1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
2.It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.
3.If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. "Mom, I'm in Taco Bell and they're playing our song........ I love you".
4.Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. Slurring is a turn-on for all women - I don't care what they say.
5.Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6.Drunk texting is alright... provided you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober. Though, when I do it, it's apt to look something like this " hey! klma ove aldj trees!!"
7.It is DEFINITELY a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8.If you are a frequent dialer, NEVER get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
9.It is always a good idea to sing on someones answering machine (or voicemail). I prefer "Dust In The Wind", but if this doesn't work I'm forced to bust out the can't-go-wrong-love-ballad of all time..."Me So Horny"! Yep - It's like that!!
10.Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted, or dirty and sex crazed... Never angry. (Angry Dialing will be covered in a later post.)
11.Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "You have a serious problem".
12.If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
13.Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing. (Refer to Rule #10.)
14.If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing...better yet, do it from your hotel room...."who the hell called me from the Notell Motel in Boise?" Best part is they can't trace it back to your room, just the lobby.
15. Drunk dialing to a foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. However, depending on the type (and amount) of alcohol you've had, you may be experiencing a version of the "if-I-don't-call-this-person-I'll-just-die syndrome". In this event, it is permissible to brake rule 15 and use a friend's phone. Besides, it may be 4 am where you live, but people are just getting out of work in Australia!!
16.Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin-stuffin'....... Preparations should be made in advance.
17.Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, bathroom or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when your far too drunk to be using electronics, and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
18.Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher-grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone I suggest calling the Taco Bell hot-line. Their representatives are very, very attentive. I know several on a first-name basis, so I can assure that your social needs will be met for the evening. The number can be found at any drive-thru window, and they will ALWAYS give you free food (sometimes it's the only way to get you off of the phone
