Abby

Abby had her 3 year old check up today. I was expecting the usual "she drinks too much milk, she needs to be potty trained, etc". Instead she was diagnosed with a heart murmur. We spent the day at the hospital while they ran tests on her. She has to see a pediatric cardiologist. I am sitting here waiting for a phone call from the pediatrican to find out how serious this is.

I just keep thinking: this isn't really happening. Of course, no mother wants to accept that something could be wrong with her child's health. I just can't bear for something to be wrong with my little girl. Of course I love both my children. But Abby is special to me. She's the little girl I always wanted. And the pain I went through with my gallbladder so that she had a chance at life formed a special bond between us. I just keep thinking that I'm having a nightmare. But I'm not....

I can't go to class tonight. I know there would be no chance of my learning anything. Certainly not while I'm waiting for test results. All I want to do is hold my little girl.