Wandering through Wonderland

I have the blahs. So what does that mean exactly? I feel restless, unable to concentrate on anything and just generally tired and sad. I once read that one of the side effects of Paxil is "lack of motivation" so that may have something to do with it.

But, I think it's a case of not being sure of what my next step is. I am not sure that I really want to go back to school in the fall. I'm still feeling burnt out from last semester even though I'm about 1/2 way into my summer break. I'm not sure if I want a career. I'm not sure what the ideal career would even be at this point. Maybe I just want to be a mom. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

I feel like I should have had all this figured out a long time ago. It seems kind of late to be pondering the question of "what do I want to be when I grow up?". Well I am grown up and I still don't have the answers.

There are certain relationships in my life that I feel uncertain about too. And that is confusing and also sad.

I feel like I don't have any of the answers today.

This is what I do know:

• I love my husband and my kids.
• I love being a momma and being with my babies.
• I have some awesome friends who love me no matter what crazy stuff I do.
• I don't want to grow up.

But none of this really solves my blahs somehow. Perhaps some pizza would help to clear my head...