What Really Matters....

Today I spent the day at my Grandma's side in the hospital. She is dying.

I hope that I was able to provide her and her two daughters (my mother and aunt) with some comfort. My sister and I held each other up through our sadness.

It is on days like this that you find yourself with alot of time to reflect on what is really important in life. It is easy to get wrapped in the day to day nonsense. Just yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself that my house was going to be late. Today that seems so insignificant compared to the suffering of a woman that I love so dearly.

I try desperately not to think of her being old and sick. I try to think of the woman who loved me, the woman who loved us all so unselfishly. I think of the woman who was delighted when I announced that I was pregnant at 17. She was the one, the only one who found some good in what everyone else considered to be a tragedy. Rather than thinking of the negative, she focused on the fact that she would be a great grandmother and have a baby to hold in her arms. I think of her making me summer sausage sandwiches and cookies. I think of her scolding me for dressing her dog, Muffet up in doll clothes. That is the Grandma that I'm trying to hold on to.

Today I pray that that Grandma will soon be one of Jesus's angels. I pray that this worn out body will finally allow her beautiful soul to be at peace.
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"There is often more wisdom to be found at the edges of life than in its middle. A life-threatening illness, for instance, may shuffle our values like a deck of cards. Sometimes a card that has been on the bottom of the deck for most of our lives turns out to be the top card, the thing that really matters. Having watched people sort their cards and play their hands in the presence of death for many years, I would say that most often the top card is love."

.....Rachel Naomi Remen