So that's what happened!

So today I split my pants. My favorite pair of pajama pants. It was my ever-growing tummy that did it this time. Let me tell you....Santa and his belly ain't got nothin' on mine. I have my own bowl full of jelly.

How did this happen to me anyway? I used to be so cute. Well I finally figured it out after reading this....

WARNING - BODY PARTS MISSING! My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up withsomeone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for years. Whose thighs were these? What happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. I had nightmares filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to bumps in the night. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again !! My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three incheslower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was 2 years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched, horrified but fascinated, asthe flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of thehairbrush. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my T-shirts.This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time.Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked, repeatedly and without warning. That's why I've decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medicalprofession by myself. Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee!That isn't really "plastic" those surgeons are using. You know where they'regetting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," look again! Was it lifted from you? Check out those tummy tucks and buttocksraisings. Look familiar? Are those your eyelids on that movie star? I think I finally may have found my thighs...and I hope that CindyCrawford paid a really good price for them! This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

P.S. - I feel much better knowing this is happening to other women. I thought I was just getting old! I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone. As I sprang from my bed I was relieved to see that they were just hiding in my pajama bottoms. From now on I plan to keep them hidden in my waistband.


Thanks to H*S*H for this one!